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| This is going to be my last entry.
I will not describe these past few weeks. No one needs to know what's been happening to me. No one needs to know anything about me anymore. I don't trust anyone to know anything about me anymore.
None of you mean a thing to me.
I'm all I care about now. That's the way it has to be. That's the only way for me to get out of here.
I've become accustomed to loneliness and abandonment.
Nothing phases me anymore.
I'm not going to waste my time.
Goodbye, Xanga.
Good riddance.
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| I don't even remember writing last night's entry, ahahaha. Awesome. I felt terribly hungover this morning. I took Advil, had orange juice, waffles, a banana, and a poptart. Muuuch better. Still feeling shitty, but that's my sinuses.
Anyway, I don't really know what to do for Lent. I wanna give up sweet foods, I think. Originally I had planned on no dairy, carbs, or dark meat. I generally don't like dark meat, dairy makes me nauseous/burns fat, and carbs are in everything. I'm gonna try a new diet though; white meat and fruit.
Medication.Tomorrow.Lovely. :]
I work from 4-9 today. Ugh. I hate my job.
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| I'm stoned. It's glorious. My eyes are so heavy and my body feels ridiculously chilled.
Spliff two days in a row. <3 I'm gonna start toking like a mad woman. It's the best feeling in the world.
My high early this evening can't be described as anything but beautiful. In all seriousness, what I experienced felt so close to what I picture heaven to be like. Nothing felt real. I felt like I was in a dream, a movie, or something. We were driving over the bridge just as the sun was going to set. The sky was pink, orange, and light blue. I just stared at that view over the water. Everything about life was peaceful and wonderful. I was so happy.
This sounds insane, but I began physically seeing my past. Like I was where I was but I was going back in time all at once. I remembered things, I felt like I was places I've been even though I was sitting in a diner, and I visualized it all. I pictured things happening. I saw things that have happened. It felt like I was dreaming. I wanted to tell everyone how amazing I felt and what I was seeing and remembering. I wanted to tell my mom I love her and hug everyone. I wanted to tell Joey so many things. I felt like I could have. I wasn't real.
Last night's weed wasn't as good as I thought it would be at all. Today's was the best I've ever smoked. Obviously. But it puts me in such a fantastic mindset. Nothing brings me down. I feel happy and confident-- like things are finally going to look up. Maybe they will. I can't wait for Monday and I can't believe I just said that.
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| I have to get my grades back up. I can do it, I can do it. Casey and Jackie won't let me fail World Literature. xD
I can't wait for Monday so I can finally get new medications. Aah. Maybe things will start looking up. :D
Tonight should be pretty epic. Shmokin' up with Jackie, possibly Hugh, and possibly Liz.
Wiiin! I need to defeat the munchies. That's my goal.
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| I'm sick with something. I feel miserable.
I told my dad this morning and his reaction wasn't good, as per usual. I think my bed is broken. He flipped it over with me on it, screaming at me the worst things I've ever heard. I have nowhere else to go. I just want to die.
I have an appointment on Monday with my psychiatrist, finally. I'll be able to get medication.
As much as it will help me, I can never look at my father the same again.
Now I'm definitely not blogging about my love life anymore. Can't trust anyone here.
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